I'll probably tell you what my name is, and that I don't have a nickname, and that I really wouldn't like it if you shortened my name to your liking, just because the syllables to my name are more than yours. That's probably how our first introduction would be— me talking more than I need to, revealing too much of myself. I've always seen that flaw as a curse— the way I expose too much of who I am on first encounters. I'll tell you now that I am addicted to writing and reading and procrastinating. I write a lot because I worry if I don't I might combust in how full my feelings make me, and I read because I enjoy how full of feelings I am after indulging in written words that are not mine. I procrastinate because I believe procrastinating is the only way I'll be able to find some time to think for and to myself. If you must know, I'm calculating. I'm a left-brainer and I stick to routine, because that is how I've programmed my system to be: calculating and scheduled. The only thing I've done on impulse was go to a book-signing event to meet an author I adore even while I was busy with a public exam, because books are probably the only things that make me courageous. I'm a grammar nazi who lives in a country where english is not the first spoken language, which limits the amount of english I speak in a day, because well, the majority of the people here don't talk my language. This is also the reason why I desperately try to include words that are seldom used in conversations when I talk to others, because enhancing your vocabulary and getting the words to actually stick in your head is hard when you don't speak the language often. I'm more than a decade and a half years old but not yet legally an adult, but that's okay I guess because I'm still trying to figure out when one is fully grown up, and one fully counts as a grown up (because you're an adult at 18, but that doesn't mean you've grown up, also doesn't mean you're a grown up). I try my best to refrain myself from cursing because I don't want people to hold my parents responsible for vulgarities they didn't even teach me, and because I believe that not all words are meant to be shared. Something I do believe is meant to be shared though, are feelings. I believe feelings are meant to be shared and not reciprocated because if they weren't shared, what would you do with them? I talk to myself a lot and it's okay for you to think I'm crazy for that, because maybe I am. I don't sleep at night because I am an insomniac— no wait, I have my memories— no, that's amnesia. I have insmonia. I don't sleep at night. I'm an insomniac, not an amnesiac, please don't mix them up because I find it exhausting to have to repeat things over and over again to people who will probably forget the fact by the time the day reaches its end. I refuse to take sleeping pills because I'm afraid of the side effects and hallucinations sound scary, so I tell my doctor (who I call mom on a daily basis) that I'll stop complaining about lethargy as long as I don't have to swallow any pills. I don't like talking about the 9/11 attack—you know, where the twin towers in new york came crashing down—because I was watching it on the news on CNN when it happened, my mom was holding a spatula in her hand, mumbling Astaghfirullah to herself while my dad was on the couch just staring, back in the little apartment we had in the States. I just find it uncomfortable to talk about because people always make me choose between my religion and where I spent most of my childhood, and I don't think anyone should put a person in that position. I am the third out of the six dwarves my parents raised, and I don't know, maybe because I'm the middle child I'm the most rebellious. I lack self-esteem and self-confidence and I hate myself for it, but I don't try to change anything because I probably don't care enough. I'm weak and vulnerable and I know this for a fact, which is why I'm always torn between clinging to everyone and clinging to myself. But the latter always wins. I like having a limited amount of friends because why would you expose yourself to so many people? I am grateful for the friends that I have, and I am glad that they have other friends and are not just tied down to me. I like being alone. Being alone is something I cherish because you only have so much time for yourself. I'm a dork. I make a lot of mistakes, sometimes repeatedly. I talk too much. I suck at ending stuff, which is why I always resort to “So, um.. yeah.” So, um.. yeah. This is me. Not completely, but at least, a chunk of me. And I won't be able to tell this to anyone in person. So if you('ve) ever ask(ed) who I am, now you know (a chunk of me).