Assalamualaikum. Hi. There's a fat chance you'll know who I am, so here are a few facts about me. I'm a Muslim, which explains the Islamic greeting Assalamualaikum, meaning peace be upon you. I'm not pretty, smart or funny. I'm not all those things guys look for in girls. But I don't care. Because I'm not really into all that stuff anyway. I'm a hundred and sixty-three centimeters tall, which makes me taller than my mom and older sister. I weigh myself every day, because I'm paranoid. I'm fat, I know but I never try to change myself. Because I know I don't deserve it. I grew up eating Air Heads and Fruit Gushers instead of Cookie Crisps and Honey Stars. I share the same shoe size with Big Foot. Whenever my social life is in absolute perfection, I somehow manage to mess things up. To screw everything up for the ones I love, to hurt them, to break their hearts. I'm a whack-job. The middle numbers in my identification card are 91, because I was born in Omaha, Nebraska and somehow in the mysterious teenage law that no one knows who created, that makes me a freak. An outsider. I'm a fool for love, and a total sucker for BEAST. I have the habit of counting the steps when I go up or down stairs, which was a total nightmare for me when I paid a visit to The Great Wall of China. I live by the quote "Everyone dies, but not everyone lives." because it reminds me no matter how much crap we're going through, there's always, always something to be grateful for. I'm more than a decade and a half years old, but I still cry for my mom sometimes. Shaa is not my real name. It's more to something I go by. My name means Light. I've tried suicide before. People rely on me even though they know I'm unreliable, which puzzles me, but I couldn't care less because at least I know there are actually some people way out of their minds that trust me. I'm a big fan of Haruki Murakami. Just between you and me, I'm a complete annoyance. But don't worry, you'll learn to love me. Sooner or later. Or maybe not. Heh-heh. I favor the colours orange and yellow because all the other colours of the rainbow are just too mainstream. I hate creepy crawlies, bugs, insects and whatever beings that are related to them. They give me goosebumps. I still don't know how to pronounce words with the letter X properly. I suffer from zombie shock syndrome because of my love for zombies and The Walking Dead. I'm a coward, but of course I have my brave moments. By now you should understand that I am far from perfect, in fact, prefect is absolutely against my nature. In result, not everyone likes me. Born with so many flaws, of course I understand. But even so, I still have my fair share of people that I cherish; people that cherish me. Should I continue? Here are some things you won't want to know about me, but what the heck this is my space —screw your opinions. I've always been second best. I was the almost in everything. I grew tired of that, so eventually, I quit trying. That —I can say confidently— was the biggest mistake of my life. I'm trying to fix things, trying to make things right. But do you know why it's so hard? Because at the same time, I have to push the thought that everything might already too late to fix out of my head. That everything's already broken, and I can't do anything about it. That all my efforts now are useless, and all I can do is weep in misery and blame myself., because I am the only one at fault.  I wasn't always this pessimistic, but losing all hope and turning suicidal when I was fourteen has made me the pessimist I am today. I've tried so many times —too many times to bring back the old me. But she's hiding quietly, somewhere in this cruel world. I have to find her, before it's too late. Before this cruel world swallows her up and turns her into something she isn't. So here I am. Talking crap and rambling in this tiny blog she made. Not deleting a single post so I remember what she used to be, or rather, what I used to be. To remind me of what once was, in case I lose myself. There. Now, is that enough information?

Oh and, I know you'll probably despise me for saying this, but I'll say it anyway.

Affectionately yours,

Shaa.

Assalamualaikum everyone.